Help! My Child Gags When He Tries a New Food

When I was away on vacation I had this reader inquiry in my inbox. I know this is an issue facing many dinner tables, so I'm responding to the question in a post.

"I just discovered your blog tonight and I think it is great. One quick question about an issue I am having. I have a 3 1/2 year old son. He eats a good variety of foods but not a wide variety. He has never loved meat even as a baby or toddler but will eat it if it is breaded or on a hamburger, in spaghetti sauce, etc.

I have started having him try at least one bite of a new food or a food that he doesn't usually care for at each meal. If I have two things he doesn't usually care for then he gets to pick the one he wants to try. It isn't a huge battle but he gets himself a little worked up and then gags after eating it. He gags on any new food so I can't imagine it is a texture thing since it is just on new foods. He eats a variety of textures in his other foods. He doesn't seem overly upset by the gagging but I feel awful about it, and I'm afraid if I don't get him to try at least a bite he won't ever try new things. That could be totally wrong on my part as my parents didn't make me try new things. I was a very picky eater as a child and now eat quite a variety but tend to still stick with those things I like.

Any tips on how to handle the gagging? I do feel that having him try the food is still a good idea, but then I have also read that can make them even pickier. Help!"

Leah, you are not alone. I get this question often when I present to moms. There are probably many differing approaches to this question depending on who you ask, but here's my take.

I'm on the same page with you. Unless you expect your kids to try what is served, the food introduction process will be very lengthy and your child may be very restricted in their food choices until early adolescence or beyond. As for your concern that expecting them to try it making them pickier, my opinion? It's hogwash. No one ever expected me to try stuff as a kid and I didn't get any less picky because I was given full control over all my finicky food preferences. I do agree that if the mood at the table is negative, or the child is hearing that he's bad or unloved because he doesn't like a lot of food that it could create a negative food experience that would be difficult to break.

However, if, with love, you serve what you prepare, and let him know that it's what you have to offer to sustain his daily energy needs, you are not creating a negative mood at the table. If you lovingly communicate that you know the best thing for him is to learn to eat the dinner you make, and you communicate to him that mom's job is to put it on the table, and kids job is to learn to eat it by trying it, then dinner won't be a hostile environment. If you tell him that you can see he's doing his very best, even if he gags on each first bite, he'll feel loved while he's learning to eat more kinds of food. If you can build his confidence as a healthy, good, growing eater while he attempts eating new food, he will probably grow into a kid who eats a variety of wholesome food.

You should recognize where your child is on the "adventurous eater" spectrum and understand that he has some anxieties about trying new food. Anxiety about unknown things is common for young kids. If you can get him over his anxiety, I think the routine gagging will stop. Tell him you know that trying new food makes him uncomfortable, and that you'll be there for him while he's being very brave. Tell him that after more practice his body won't gag anymore. Tell him that his thoughts about food might be helping his body gag. Ask him if he'd like your help to think of the food in a new way. Think about it's color, it's shape, who else eats it (does he have a favorite cartoon character?). You can get out paper and write down some new thoughts about the food. You can take a bite of it and tell him something abstract. You might say, "let me try this bite of pork chop. hmm, i think this bite right here tastes square. ooh, and this one over here tastes golden. you try a bite, what do you think, is it a bit golden?"

Give him lots of encouragement, even if he gags during a taste. Let him know he's brave and you're proud of him. Lots of hugs!

I want to disclose that I've never faced routine meal time gagging with either of my kids. My response is based on how I would initially approach the situation, and not based on actual success with the method. Both my boys gagged on occasion to newly introduced foods. They initially gagged when they tried mashed potatoes, a food they took years to warm up to, but both eat routinely now. My response to a gag was to say something like:

"Oh, maybe you're not ready to like mashed potatoes yet. Maybe that's a big boy/big kid/grown up food. Thank you for trying them, we'll give it another shot next time and see if when you're bigger you like them more."

Your goal should be to make your child feel loved and supported as he builds confidence in his ability to learn to like new food. The same way you would if your school age child said he didn't want to go to school anymore. You may find out what's bothering him about school and teach them how to handle it (as it's likely you wouldn't be able to change it), but you would likely not say, "ok fine, you don't want to, you don't have to."

You may also want to rule out that he's not avoiding foods that might be causing him trouble. Write a list of the foods that make him gag now, and see if they correlate with any common food offenders responsible for allergies, gluten intolerance, etc.

I think learning to eat wholesome food is necessary for a child's development and future, just like learning to read and write. You are on the right track trying to solve this problem while he's still young.

Other things you can say in response to " I don't like XYZ."

• "I'm sorry to hear that, because we eat XYZ every week around here. I sure would like for you to find a way to eat it so it can give you energy and help you grow. You'll have to be hungry a lot if you can't figure out a way to eat it."
• "Some foods we like a lot and some foods we like a little. If you like it a little, eat just a little of it."
• "I hear you. I didn't like many of the things I like to eat now when I was a little kid either. When I got older, I kept trying things and found out I liked most of them. I'm still finding out about food I like to eat even as a grown-up. Eating food is such an adventure."
• "XYZ is not my favorite either, but do you know what I like about it? It makes my brain work/gives me energy/helps me fight off sick germs so I'm going to eat a little of it anyway."

What about you? Was your kid a routine gagger that grew out of the phase? What helped your child stop gagging and start trying new food?